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Raven
25 September 2009 @ 03:34 pm
I had a job interview for Hertz yesterday for the position of a manager trainee. I have never really done a job that was strictly sales, per se. I talked with K about it and he gave me a few things to say about meeting needs and all of that and I mentioned it them at the interview and I did very well. The head of the company's HR department in New Jersey called me and let me know that they want to set up a second interview with me!!! There are bonuses in my future! Insurance! and... Money! I am excited. This isn't what I really wanted for a career, but it is a start. The days will be long and overtime is guaranteed every week. I hope things go well. I need a break from feeling depressed. I need to feel needed.
 
 
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
 
 
Raven
24 September 2009 @ 10:25 pm
I hate being a dirty little secret.
Was then and still am.
 
 
Raven
04 March 2009 @ 04:43 pm
So, I am in mourning over the loss of a relationship that from my observation, wasn't worth fixing. I sometimes wonder if I am worth having as a friend, girlfriend, wife. It seems as if I am good enough for some things but not others.
 
 
Current Mood: sadsad
 
 
Raven
09 February 2009 @ 04:33 pm
So, I hated last week. I did the hardest thing ever and it still hurts. I am still crying and I hope the end is near.

I started my diet last week, no, that is not the hardest thing. I need to be on a diet but it is so hard while living with four other people who love to eat junk. It was so much easier when I lived alone.

I am exercising. I am going to follow the training guide for the 3Day walk. It was awesome if you really followed it. So, I am supposed to take off on Monday and walk on Tuesday. Let's see if I can take off some weight. This is not my favorite subject right now, so please don't feel the need to comment on this in any way.

I feel like crying all of the time right now because there is so much going on and I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster.

I did have fun last week end. I got to see my friends before my head tried to explode. It is very difficult right now to see my friends because of school, but it will be over soon.

I hope
 
 
Raven
01 February 2009 @ 09:36 pm
I got a B on my first finance test. Last semester, I got a 51 on my first test. The tutor is helping! I am going to pass this damn class if it causes me to spend all of my savings. She ain't cheap.
 
 
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
 
 
 
Raven
22 January 2009 @ 05:12 pm
Well, as some of you know, I have been going to USF for a while and this spring, they figured I could have a BS in Hospitality Management. It has been a long time coming. I have been getting different tasks accomplished (ie purchasing regalia, filing for graduation, etc.) each week so I can get my diploma. As each task gets finished, I get more excited. I never thought I would go to college. It has been very difficult for me and I finally learned how to spell restaurant without mixing up the letters. giggles. That in itself is a requirement. more giggles. I never thought I could take so many management and accounting classes and live to tell the tale.

There have been late nights and early mornings. There have been tears and tension headaches.


It has all been worth it.

I will be walking across the stage on May 3rd, 2009.


Wow...
 
 
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
 
 
Raven
17 November 2008 @ 04:02 pm
i know that i lied to you, but i spared your feelings and isn't that so much better?
 
 
Raven
08 September 2008 @ 03:07 pm
Ten T's

1. Trees. If you hadn't noticed I am a big fan of trees.
2. Two children in my life, E and S
3. Taking baths
4. Two boyfriends in my life, K and J
5. Thunderstorms!!!! and doing things in thunderstorms.
6. Tapioca puddin'
7. Tap dancing. I was quite the dancer in my younger years and still to this day, I enjoy a good shuffle step.
8. Thud of a paddle on someone's ass along with the tears of pleasure/pain
9. Traveling!
10. Last but not least and I wouldn't be a pirate if I didn't love TREASURE!!!!!!!! Arg

Come along and sing our song... bla bla bla bla bla

Want a letter?
 
 
Current Mood: determineddetermined
 
 
Raven
29 August 2008 @ 10:46 am
Last night we watched a two hour on tattoos. K was so sweet and recorded if for me thinking that he only caught 30 minutes of the show when he actually got all of it, 2 hours. Well, the host went over the world searching for different techniques and finally he hit one that is really new to me...


Eric, read no more of this post.


They are tattooing eyeballs. it was so freaky to see a guy with blue eye balls. It really was too odd! Different strokes.
 
 
Raven
19 August 2008 @ 08:16 pm
Think spontaneity!
 
 
 
Raven
30 July 2008 @ 11:44 am
WEEEEE Fetish Con is coming! i am getting so excited and i really and truly can't hide it. You know, for some unexplainable reason, i am about to loose control, but, i think i like it!

Ok, so, now that the silly is over... the Con is coming the Con is coming. And shame on you if you call yourself a true freak and not going to this. This is one con that i can get behind and feel welcome. i don't even feel out of place, too fat, or too old, or out of place. In fact, I will go around to people and ask for hugs. It's crazy, but some people are surprised when I tell them that they are beautiful and ask for a hug. Go figure. Not only do I brighten up someone else's day, but I also get to hug on people.

This is the 6th(?) time I have gone in 8 years. I love Fetish Con.

If there is a special toy you have always wanted, I would be happy to pick that up for you and you can pay me back later.
 
 
Raven
24 July 2008 @ 06:25 pm
The reason I am walking...

One of my team mates has just been told today that her cancer has reached her skin, bones, and chest wall. She hadn't even reached a full year on her radiation treatments. She had one breast removed and a month ago had just finished with reconstruction. A week later, she had an infection and the cancer was back. She may not make it to October 31st, the first day of the 3-Day Walk for the Cure which she had planned on participating in. She is mad and terrified.


http://08.the3day.org/site/TR/Events/General?fr_id=1170&pg=pfind

If you want to make a donation to try and find a cure, you may make a donation in my name, Pamela Harper, or you can just make a donation to the cause. Or make a donation in my team mate's name, Karen Barth. We need to find a cure!
 
 
Current Mood: sadsad
 
 
Raven
22 July 2008 @ 07:16 pm
In an attempt to help around the house this summer, I have taken on some extra duties. One of these duties is cooking for the family. When cooking for 5 people you have to take in to consideration each person's likes and dislikes. This is not an easy task. Tonight I made enchiladas. I was inspired to make them when I saw the sauce at the grocery store. Now, I have never before made enchiladas and was unsure on the outcome but tonight, my family sang my praises!!! Woooo Hoooo! K and D actually said that they were the BEST enchiladas they ever had. E liked them because they weren't spicy, D and K said that they had the best flavor, and S's had jalapenos. I actually started making them yesterday when I put the pork in the crock pot. They were certainly worth the time and effort.

I really enjoy cooking new foods that I have never cooked before. It is a culinary adventure. I didn't cook when I was with James and during the beginning of our relationship, K did most of the cooking. I think I am actually discovering a new talent.
 
 
Current Mood: excitedexcited
 
 
Raven
20 July 2008 @ 06:12 pm
So, we had our first party with the new bar. I had a wonderful time. I got some snuggle time in with a great friend who really makes me wonder if she is kidding or serious at times. I got to talk shop about the walk with a previous walker. I had fun with the non-poker players. I did feel a bit uncomfortable around a couple of people, perhaps I just don't know them well enough.

Yesterday's walk didn't go to my liking. We did 8 miles and it was through pure determination that I made it back to my car. I was over heated and didn't have anything to drink that was cold except for Gaterade. It hurt my tummy. Next time, I am going to have more water that is frozen and drink the two evenly. I think I might go back to the back pack. I was able to cary 10 bottles of water and my bandages and other necessities. I can also carry extra socks, that was another draw back to this past walk, my feet hurt so bad. Not to mention I also had a headache that wouldn't quit.

I am starting to get my fall semester together. I need to get books and figure out about my student loan stuff. I also need to finish up my insuranse paperwork. Two more semesters! This semester is going to be rough but I know I can do this.
 
 
Current Mood: goodgood
 
 
Raven
17 July 2008 @ 08:55 am
Forget saving my ta-tas, save my feet!
 
 
 
Raven
13 July 2008 @ 07:39 pm
I walked 4.97 miles yesterday and then stood in the sun for the car wash for 3 hours. My feet hurt. Our outfitters said that the feet would start to hurt around the ten mile mark. They were sooooo right. My heels are killing me to the point where I am having a difficult time walking. At least taking a bath and soaking helps a bit.

I have been through some pretty rough times. I have had to so some things for survival which I would do again if I had to. I have not had an easy life and I think those experiences are helping me through the training and all that is involved.

I had to wake up at 5 this morning to go to a "video shoot" for an inspirational video for the team. Well, that is what I was told it was going to be. It didn't sound like anyone was going to go so I wanted to show some team spirit and I put on my big girl panties and got up in the rain and went to the meeting site. Well, the video turned out to be a way for us to be critiqued on our walking styles. Then to top it off, we didn't end up walking because of the torrential downpour. So, I was able to go back to sleep at 7.

I don't like to complain much about a situation I am in when it is going on because it serves no purpose(IE, "It's hot!", "I'm cold!", "I'm bored!", etc)and listening to someone else complaining drives me nuts.

I can't wait for it to be over though. I am missing out on quite a bit of fun because I need to be up early on the week ends with the team for training walks.

To top it all off, I am getting tan. At one point in my life I would have WOO HOO-ed, but now, I see it as cooking my skin and getting wrinkles.

At least my legs are starting to tone up and my ass is starting to develop a nicer shape. I haven't lost much weight, only 12 pounds, but I keep trying.
 
 
Current Mood: irritatedirritated
 
 
Raven
11 July 2008 @ 07:48 pm
I have been having some communication issues with one of my sweeties and I am really close to pulling the plug. I sent him an email because we never have alone time and he sent a great response. I am glad to see that he is just as willing to make it work.

I don't want to be the only one in love any more. I did it for too many years with James.

I am going to walk 11 miles next week on Tuesday and Wednesday and then short days the rest of the week. I am slowly learning what works for me and what doesn't. I am staying hydrated and trying to keep my core temperature down. I carry about 6 frozen bottles of water and Gaterade at one time, four on my belt and one in each hand. I am going to pick up some cold packs soon so that I can put them on my chest and neck.

I only have $800 more to get to reach my goal. I am going to sell pink jello shots at our party, so bring money (giggles).

My grandmother is here now. She is mentally gone. She keeps asking about her parents, sister, brother, boyfriend, where is she, do the neighbors think it's odd that she is living with my mom, what state do I live in, and the list goes on.

I have felt overwhelmed mostly of late.
 
 
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
 
 
Raven
10 July 2008 @ 02:29 pm
i walked 10 miles on Tuesday

i walked 10 miles on Wednesday

i am not walking today
 
 
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
 
 
Raven
01 July 2008 @ 05:34 pm
I found a card which was given to me almost 6 years ago at the first FPR. I think that some of you may have read it. Right now I need a little lift and this card does that every time I read it. I hope that if you are down, this picks you up. If you are needing an extra push to accomplish a task, I hope this quote helps you.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and gifted? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world or you. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest this light that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from own own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

- Nelson Mandela
 
 
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
 
 
Raven
22 June 2008 @ 04:53 pm
So i don't journal much, but lately I think I just need to get it out.

I am really not doing well with raising money. I don't have a church, I don't have a job, I don't have family per say, and I don't know what else to do. My teammates all walk at a pace much faster than me and they don't walk with me, so, I will be walking alone during the 3-Day. They don't like any of my ideas. They have some fund raising plans so I can get a little extra by doing those. My frustration level is really increasing.

K is doing what he can to help with doing the artistic aspect of helping but I really don't feel like I am getting much support from others. It is just really tough especially when the team isn't much of a team. My mom gave me a water jug.... I just don't know what kind of help to ask for and what kind of help I need. I guess it would help if I had someone to do this with me. I think that a personal trainer would help.

I dropped my summer class because my student loan and grant wouldn't pay for it so I am going to take the class during my last semester. Now I have more time to seek out ways to raise money and loose weight which is another slippery slope. I can tell that my clothes are getting looser, but I am not happy with the way I look.

I am just having a great big pity party and no one but me is showing up.
 
 
Current Mood: sadsad
 
 
 
Raven
29 March 2008 @ 09:56 pm
I have signed up for the three day, 60 mile walk. I am really excited about doing this. It is a goal that I know I can do and I am looking forward to doing it. The one thing that I am not totally happy about is raising the money. I have decided to do a garage sale. I am asking my friends for their stuff that they don't want anymore. It's easier than asking for money. The other way I want to raise money is by throwing a Pink party and have a cover charge. The party sounds like more fun, but I am not sure if people will come. We shall see. I may have to invite people from outside of my circle to get enough people to make it worth while.
 
 
Raven
26 March 2008 @ 02:29 pm
What do your friends mean to you?

My friends help me to realize that I am a good person. They show me that I am wanted and needed on so many different levels. I love my friends so much. I didn't know what friends were supposed to be or what they meant until I found the group I hang out with now. No matter what, they love me and accept me. To me, they ARE my family. They are the reason I have the tattoo that is shown as my user pic. They are the reason I am the person I am today.

Thank you all.
 
 
Current Mood: lovedloved
 
 
Raven
27 November 2007 @ 11:31 am
i am feeling distant from people around me. It isn't because of school and yes, i know that i have been busy with that. It just feels like i am wrapped up and am unable to feel others. i can't touch anyone and i don't connect. i don't feel like i belong.

i feel lonely and i know it won't get any better any time soon because of school.
 
 
Current Mood: sadsad
 
 
Raven
22 October 2007 @ 08:16 pm
the voices of doubt are back
 
 
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
 
 
Raven
11 October 2007 @ 04:08 pm
Wow, my head is already spinning with the knowledge of what will be going on soon. I am excited that my business is finally getting a leg up. School is getting spooky with reports and presentations coming up. Although, I will get to dress up in my brocade and act. It is just doing the research and writing which I don't like. I have the haunted house to buy for and decorate while doing the aforementioned school responsibilities. I have another possible decorating job for the Lieutenant Governor of Kiwanis of Sarasota/Manatee counties. Then, there is the concert on the 1st of November, the possible job would be the 2nd of November, I have the pleasure of attending a friend's second annual Fall dinner, then on the 4th, I get to spend time with my friend L for her baby shower. (in fact, I got to see her today and spend some time talking. She looks absolutely beautiful and exhausted. *giggles*)

Oh, I forgot to mention the best... Halloween Horror Nights with the bestest friends ever next week end!!!

So, if anyone wants to help out with anything I would be grateful.
 
 
Current Mood: excitedexcited
 
 
 
Raven
04 October 2007 @ 05:05 pm
Most of the people I know have already done the college student thing. They went to college years ago and got their degrees. On the other hand you will find me. I am the girl who got caught up in life and supported two people on the earnings of a fast food manager. I am not ashamed of what I did because I was a damn good manager and I was able to do things that I wanted to do to some degree. Now I find myself in a wonderful position. I am a college student. I never thought I would be able to say that. I always thought that going to college was for people who were either smart or people who had money. I am a senior now after so many years, but I am a better student than I was when I first got out of high school. I don't go to classes because that is what I am supposed to do. I go to classes because I learn so much when I go and I totally enjoy that aspect of college. I love learning and having discussions about the topics I have learned. My point of view has completely changed about some topics which I was so sure about prior to attending some of my classes.

I try to be grateful for this opportunity which I have been given. Hopefully I will be graduating in a year and I hope to have one of my biggest parties upon completion of my Hospitality Management degree and I want all of my friends to be there! (...and I wanna pony!) This has been such a wonderful journey.

Who would have thought that I would be a college student. My mother used to say that I should hang around the college to catch a husband. She never mentioned anything about attending.
 
 
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
 
 
Raven
18 September 2007 @ 09:58 pm
i am sick and i hate it. Master doesn't feel well enough to take care of me and i am not D's to care for. i have spent the entire day sleeping. i watched one movie, read four pages in my IS class, and just now i read four different lj posts. i feel so weak and my throat is on fire from the coughing. i ate two cans of pagan noodle soup (which is supposed to make you well with the blessings of the Goddess- cough - giggles- cough). i ate an apple for good measures and gargled with salt water. D is going to sleep upstairs with Master tonight because i might keep her from sleeping.
my 4th year anniversary is coming up and we plan on going to Bern's for dinner this week end. Come hell or high water, i will be eating at Bern's Steak House on Saturday!

Other than that...
 
 
Raven
22 August 2007 @ 09:59 am
So, I found out a few weeks ago that my mother has breast cancer. I spent the day with her yesterday and she was good for most of the day. There were two times when she was going to break down. The first one was when we were waiting to see one of her doctors and she said that it would be easier to just let the cancer eat her away rather than take time off from work to deal with the issue and loose time from work to keep up with the bills. That really bit my ass because it was a selfish statement. I have told her time and again that we would help out. Arg! That is what family if for, damn it.

The second time she cried because I bought lunch for her. She still sees me as her "little girl" who incapable of doing for her. All I can do is be me and she will have to see that when she is ready.

This is the last week before classes start for me. I am ready to go back to a regular routine again. Dealing with the ankle has really been an ordeal for me. I am not used to being unable to do anything and it has taken its toll on my state of mind. Now the cast and the boot are both off and I am able to wear two shoes.

The family is back doing the Fair thing again and I go over to see my boyfriend on the rehearsal nights. That works out so much better for me. I think the less I hear about the fair the better. By the time the end comes, I won't be ready to kill someone. It just seemed that the fair was all they talked about last year. It is like that little kid who only talks about this one video game over and over and over and over and over and over. Well, for me, I am not interested and it was too much for me to take so by the time the fair arrived, I didn't even want to go. The fair has lost it's fun for me. Hopefully by my being out of the house when people come back from fair whatever, they can get that energy out and I won't have to be in the full wake of it.

I have started to make a bunch of decorated candles. K and I went to a convention a few weeks ago and I handed out some of my special candles to select people in hopes that I might get an interested party for resale. Well, it worked and I am now making up an inventory for a woman to sell at different events. I am pretty excited. I am really getting into the swing of cutting and pinning. Now all I need is someone to buy the damn things. giggles. Not to mention, right now the craft stores are killing one another over who has the best sales. Woo Hoo!!!

So, that is what is going on in my life right now. Hope you enjoyed it.
 
 
Current Location: middle of the couch
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
 
 
Raven
31 July 2007 @ 01:34 pm
So for the second year in a row, I won't be able to wear the outfits I would really want to wear to Fet con because of surgery. Last year I couldn't wear anything that was too binding and this year it is shoes. Damn it. I thought I had more time to heal. Now I only have two weeks to find something I can wear that will be cute and pleasing to my Love. ARG
 
 
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
 
 
Raven
17 July 2007 @ 07:10 pm
So...

I grew up in a very poor household. My mother got divorced when I was 4 and my father paid only $40 a month in child support and I went to a private school. I know now that she wanted me to get a great education, but I think I would have preferred air conditioning during the summers and a coat to wear during the winters.

My mother was a single woman who made sure to attend every dance recital and play I was in. I am surprised now that she was able to do as much as she did.

As I was growing up I was embarassed because I didn't have what the other kids had. My shoes were bought from the grocery store. There were a couple of winters where I didn't have a coat to wear. I know my mom did her best, but when you are 10-13 you really don't know what's going on.

Now that I am wiser, I know my mom did the best she could do for a single parent. I never once asked why I couldn't have something or why things were the way they were. My mom wasn't perfect, but she did her best. She loved me and still does. What more could I ask for?
 
 
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
 
 
 
Raven
16 July 2007 @ 10:31 am
When I was with James, I was not allowed to have friends. So, let's put that into perspective. When I was 21 (just out of high school and learning about the world) to the age of 29, I was not allowed to have friends. I found out this past week what friends are really like to have. I keep asking myself if friends really do such things.

Last Monday, I get a call from my friend C asking me if I want a $2000 dish washer for $400. Well, I don't know about the rest of you reading this post, but when someone asks me if I want a Lexus of the dish washer world, I say "YES". Well, before the three Clan adults got a chance to talk, R (C's husband) goes ahead and gets the dish washer for us and holds it for us. I only said something to them on the Saturday before because we are (were) in the market for a new dish washer and might need one within a few weeks.

So... two days later, we have a top of the line dish washer because our friends keep getting these wonderful deals on household items.

Wow


Ok, so that's not it.

On Friday we (The Clan adults) made plans to go out that night with some other friends to the Melting Pot. Well, at 7:30 (reservations at 7:15) we call our friends and ask where they are because they aren't at the restaurant. Well, for one reason or another there was miscommunication and the three Clan adults have a wonderful dinner. We get ready to pay for said dinner and come to find out... our wonderful friends who felt bad about the miscommunication decided to pay for our meal. How cool is that?!!!!

Now because I have such limited friend experience I don't know if friends really do these wonderful things for each other or if I just have uberly awesome friends? I am really hoping it is the later of the two. You know, I try to put myself in the same situation and wonder what I would do. I have never had such wonderful people in my life. Do I do things like that? Do I deserve to have such beautiful people surround me?

I guess my friends now are making up for the lack of friendship I had during my time with James.

Stupid James!

Ya know that everything I experienced then has brought me to this place now.
 
 
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
 
 
Raven
26 June 2007 @ 03:05 pm
I get my cast off on Thursday and I get to start physical therapy. I don't know if some of you know this, but this is the second surgery I have had on my ankle. In fact, after I had the surgery, I lost 100 pounds because I had a fear that my weight was partially to blame for the ankle issue. Well, I am back in the same situation 7 years later so guess what? I am setting up some goals to get back to where I was, or at least get to where I want to be.

Although I appreciate attention, I don't like my "diet" to be the main topic of conversations so I am going to do this on my own like I did the last time. I am very excited. It seems as if I had inspired a friend to loose weight as well and I am honored. I don't feel very inspiring.

Any who...

I plan on being stubborn, determined, and focused. I use to go for serious walks, like 8 to 10 miles at a time and I loved it. I looked and felt so much better when I was a size 14 and I am going to get there again and even surpass. (>/)

Shit, to be honest, I really just want a bunch of new clothes.
 
 
Current Mood: determineddetermined
 
 
Raven
25 June 2007 @ 08:34 am
“And who is so barbarous as not to understand that the foot of a man is nobler than his shoe, and his skin nobler than that of the sheep with which he is clothed?” --Michelangelo

I have noticed lately that people have been getting tattoos and supporting this ancient way of marking the body. I have also noticed that there is still a stigma in the eyes of some people who say that tattoos are wrong, the artists are of a lower class of people, those who choose to get multiple tattoos are in some way "not right". I wish that I could get $200 an hour just to put artwork on someone's body every day (40-50 hours a week).

To those people I must say, shame on you for being so ethnocentric that you are unable to step out of your boxed world to see that this has been an art form for centuries. Many cultures have carried this art form to a new level and been applauded and admired by their societies, including our own. Tattoos have always been a way to show the world where you have been and where you belong. Many cultures, the world over, still practice the art of body modification as a way of showing the movement from childhood to becoming an adult.

My point with this post is to say, "Stop being so righteus and understand that your's is not the only way of doing things or living of a life."
 
 
Current Location: soap box
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Go ahead with your own life and leave me alone
 
 
Raven
10 June 2007 @ 10:18 pm
Oh, this is fun. When I grow up, I want to be a ninjapirate!
 
 
Raven
10 June 2007 @ 07:31 pm
You know it's true!
 
 
 
Raven
08 June 2007 @ 08:01 pm
I am cleaning up my friends page. If you want to stay, say so. You won't hurt my feelings if you don't want to be my friend any more
 
 
Raven
08 June 2007 @ 07:55 pm
I am tired of the passive aggressive bullshit! If you have something to say, SAY IT!
 
 
Raven
24 May 2007 @ 11:02 am
i feel out of sorts because i am unable to really interact with people. K spent time with me on the couch last night touching me and holding me which is something i really needed. No one has been sitting near me out of fear of bumping or moving the wrong way and hurting my ankle. i understand, but at the same time, i feel like a leper. i so enjoy being touched and having physical interaction. Being touched soothes me. Then, to top it off, i haven't been getting any email love. Now, keep in mind, this is not a huge deal, it is more like a paper cut. This isn't a slitting of the wrist cry for help kind of thing.

i also miss my heart sister N. i hope she is doing well and knows that the new pirate icon is in her honor. i saw it and just had to have it.

i guess i am starting to slowly go crazy sitting here on this couch of many colours. i can't help clean, i can't put away my own stupid clothes (which is really getting on my nerves). i really can't do much except ask for help and go with the flow.
 
 
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
 
 
Raven
18 May 2007 @ 10:50 pm
Imagine if you will, an ice pick being shoved deep into your ankle. Now, multiply that by 50. My ankle hurts a bit. The drugs from the surgery are wearing off!!!!!!!!!!

i am alive and home and in pain. The drugs aren't helping but my loved ones are. K has been a dear ever since he got home (not a real deer, that would be uckie, especially in the house).

D is running away to see her boyfriend. i think she is really leaving so she won't be around to hear me or K bitch. i know she is tired of me being sick.

Mom was great. She paid my insurancey stuff and got my crutches.

i will not be able to put my fut down and put any kind of weight on the damn thing for 6 fucking weeks. Yeah. So i am crutches girl and with luck on my side, my arms will be able to handle this.

Oh, by the way, the new icon is the "FUCK YOU BABY" hope you like it.
 
 
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
 
 
Raven
17 May 2007 @ 08:55 pm
i am a little nervous right now. i took off the nail polish and i have been drinking a bunch of water today. i asked D to move some things so i won't have a problem getting around with crutches. i am about to take out the contact lenses and take my last shower for a while. i have my id, insurance card, and credit card in the bag and ready to go. Once E gets out of our bathroom, i can am going to get my clothes and shoes together.

This surgery isn't as major as the one i had last year, but i am still nervous. There is still that one chance that things can go wrong. My mom will be there which makes me feel so much better. Just knowing that someone who loves me will be there makes me feel so much better.


Ok, i got it out of my system! whew
 
 
 
Raven
15 May 2007 @ 10:23 pm
i got 3 A's and a B for last semester.
 
 
Raven
14 May 2007 @ 06:17 pm
my grandmother is pulling some shit!

She has been starving herself so my mother would move back to Ohio to take care of her. Mom called to talk with her yesterday and my grandmother bitched the entire time and said that she refused to eat her lunch because it wasn't fit for a Mother's Day meal. She dumped a huge load of guilt by saying that my mom had her baby so she should be happy. my poor mother cried before we left for an hour before dinner and then for an hour after dinner. my grandmother has been working on Mom since the divorce, i was 4. This is her final try. She has been moved into an assisted living facility because she can't live by herself any more. She has been in the hospital twice in less than six months. She can't see, so she is a danger to herself. She demands respect and says that things should be done the way she wants because she is old.

Um, bullshit!

i wanted to treat my mother to a wonderful day because she has given me so much. i tried to let Grandma's shit pass without my complaining about it but Mom was just ripped up. i love Grandma, but she pulled some shit that really pissed me off.
 
 
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
 
 
Raven
13 May 2007 @ 10:47 am
So, my mom is going to take me and stay with me for the surgery. That means that she is going to leave her house at 5am to pick me up at 6. My mommy loves me!

i hate going in for surgery and there is always that fear of the possibilities that might happen while i am under. Whether or not my fears are logical or not, they are still fears and fears are not always logical.

This week will be about getting the house ready and starting my online classes.
 
 
Raven
07 May 2007 @ 12:01 pm
Would you tell someone who is fat that they aren't sexy? Would you tell them that they are ugly? Would you tell a person overweight that they aren't worth living?


Why do we tell ourselves the same things?


This post isn't for anyone who doesn't think these things. This post is for those of us who do.
 
 
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
 
 
Raven
01 May 2007 @ 10:49 am
So, here's the dealio...

Surgery for Pamela will be next Friday. I don't know the time yet because the doctor's office will call with that information. I will be out of commission for four weeks.

Call for your appointment to come and visit the Pamela, please. I will be going stir crazy!!!

Keep your fingers crossed. I am scared, but I know that I have a great family who will take care of me.
 
 
Current Mood: scaredscared
 
 
 
Raven
25 April 2007 @ 12:52 pm
Our children don't know who the Beatles were. They don't know Paul, George, John, or Ringo. Where did we go wrong as parents.

Can't be my fault. I have only had them for three years. giggles
 
 
Current Mood: sillysilly
Current Music: LSD
 
 
Raven
13 April 2007 @ 11:55 am


What can i say about this?


Um....
 
 
Raven
13 April 2007 @ 11:27 am
Happy Ms. Pamela Day everyone!!! Ya got Mother's Day and Father's Day, well, today is Ms. Pamela Day.

i went to physical therapy this morning and my ankle still hurts like hell but i am still trying to stay positive. i am going to sign up for summer classes, preferably on line so that if i do have to go in for surgery, i can still take classes. We noticed today that there is quite a bit of movement in the tendons, duh. The damn thing is to damn long. i wasn't impressed with the assistant today. i think she was at the ass end of her graduating class. i did get to talk ink prior to going in though. i met a guy this week who i saw at physical therapy last week. He has several tattoos and we chatted for a bit and compared ink.

School is going pretty well. This semester is almost finished, thank goodness. i have one paper this time around and one huge project. The paper is on Lilith and the project is a Mardi Gras style party for 200 people. Oh, and one final. So, all in all, i really don't have it too bad.

L and i still are interested in one another, we just haven't gone out on a date yet. We did have a first kiss, nothing to write home about, but a kiss none the less. She and her husband were over last week end but we just didn't talk about it. She wants to have both families to sit down and agree that the two of us dating would be fine.

J and i are doing rather well. Unfortunately i don't get to see him as much as i would like. Some how life always happens which messes up our plans.

The family is doing great. S is in Orlando on an FBLA conference. Next year is his first year in high school. Where does the time go? i have only had him for 3 years now and already he has a 10 1/2 shoe size and is going to high school. E is doing good. She had a little heart break yesterday with a boy who thinks she is too smart and doesn't like her glasses. i held her yesterday while she cried and D and i talked to her about stupid boys who aren't worth her time. D is about to go on another business trip. She works at home and there is a trade off. Thank goodness she is only gone maybe 5 times a year with work. She is also planning on a trip to see her boyfriend. She is also being pursued by a new guy she met at fair. i don't know much about him yet. We are trying to get him over for dinner some time soon. K is not doing so great. He is in constant pain nowadays and it is only a matter of the level anymore. i feel so bad because there is nothing i can do to make it stop. i try to help when ever he will let me. i love my stubborn man!

Enough procrastinating, i am off to study.

 
 
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
 
 
Raven
07 April 2007 @ 04:06 pm
i love teaching the kids something i know, something that helps them grow as people and their beliefs. E and i talked about religion and we watched a show on Mary of Magdaline. Since i have been taking my Women & the Bible, i have learned quite a bit. i also have a different point of view on those who wrote the Bible and the stories within. i respect D and K for having open minds which allow them to allow their children to make up their own minds on what to believe.

i feel so much a part of this family when i am able to share and teach the children. i wanted to be able to have this opportunity with my own children.

i feel very blessed today.
 
 
Raven
26 March 2007 @ 11:48 am
I have decided that on my 40th birthday, I want to go to Las Vegas. I am already looking into rates for lodging and air fares.
I am also going to start saving for this trip. I know it is going to cost quite a bit of money and I am the type who is willing to save so that I may have an overwhelming experience. I don't care if I spend the money I have saved for it. I won't care about the cost if I have planned for it. I enjoy having a good time.

So far, I am considering :

Treasure Island
MGM
Bellagio
Palms
 
 
Current Mood: excitedexcited